**The following is from an e-mail conversation with a friend. We were discussing why I've come to admire and respect Christianity more and more as I've delved deeper into Buddhism. It was also published in another personal blog of mine.**
The Book of Job is, in my opinion, the whole point. Everything about existence and the metaphysical unknown boils down to the Book of Job. Are you familiar with it? If not, I'll give you the short version here.
So there's this guy, Job, and he's a man with a decent amount of wealth, a good wife, and several children. He's got healthy livestock and as a result he's doing really well for himself. Job straight up LOVES God - one of the most pious dudes you'll ever meet. One day, God is chilling, watching the earth and it's goings-on, when the Devil walks over all curious like - "Heyyyyy buddddyyyy, whatcha doin'?" And God's like, "Yo, look at how awesome I am, this guy Job fuckin' LOVES me."
Lucifer, of course, is the original Devil's Advocate, and says, "Yeah yeah, that guy only likes you so much because he's got a good life. Let me go down there and stir shit up, I'll have him cursing your name in no time." At this, God chuckles and says, "You're on - Loser buys dinner."
So Satan goes on down and straight up murders all of Job's livestock, ruining his networth and effectively making him poor. Job is distraught, but still he says his prayers and totally digs on God.
"Bitch, please. I told you that shit wouldn't work - you owe me dinner," says God.
"Whoa whoa whoa," says Satan, "he's still got so much stuff! I took his possessions away, but let me fuck with his home, then you'll see!"
God, amused, agrees, and the Devil goes down and utterly DESTROYS Job's home, killing his kids in the process. So now Job is penniless, homeless, and childless, but much to the chagrin of Satan, Job is still a pious-ass motherfucker, praying to and praising God despite the seemingly unwarranted misfortune. So Lucifer goes back to God and says, "Before you say, 'I told you so,' you've gotta give me one more chance. This dude has one thing left - his health. Let me take that from him, and you'll be buying ME dinner."
God consents, and the Devil heads on back down to earth and afflicts Job with boils, all over his body. Now the man is poor, homeless, alone, sick, AND repulsive, but still he doesn't once curse God's name. So he's sitting there, doing whatever a penniless, boil-covered bum does, when some friends of his roll up and are like, "SHIT SON, wtf happened?"
Job says, "I have no fuckin' clue man." Then Job looks to the sky and says, "What did I do to deserve this, God? I prayed all the time and shit, why you gotta play me like this?" All but one of Job's friends insist that he fess up, that he admit to some sin which undoubtedly was the reason that God was punishing him. Job denies this - he's been so fuckin' pious, he can't imagine why this is all happening. Still they prod and poke at him until the one friend who had remained silent finally speaks up and says, "Guys, let's get real. This is GOD. WTF do you think you know about God, man? That dude's omniscient, omnipotent, fuckin' MADE THE UNIVERSE. You don't know jack SHIT about what God does or why."
Conveniently, at this moment, having finished his free dinner courtesty of Lucifer, God shows up and says, "Hey n00bs, heard you talking," and then proceeds to reprimand Job's friends, saying pretty much exactly what the one mostly-silent friend said -
"I'm eternal, this shit is alpha-omega style, your brain can't possibly fathom my motivations - trust me, I know, I made it." Then he turns to the mostly silent friend and says, "High five, dude, you totally get it. All you other dudes should listen to this motherfucker right here, he's straight-up wise, yo."
Finally, he turns to Job, saying, "Look, I already bitched out your friends, but it bears repeating - don't ask me what you did to deserve this, I'm not gonna tell you because YOU - JUST - CAN'T - UNDERSTAND. You can't. You're human, I'm God. But you know what, you're pretty fucking awesome, and I'm super proud that you never once cursed me after all this fucked up shit happened, so here's a bigger house, more livestock than you've ever had, oh and btw that hottie wife of yours that's remained suspiciously absent through all this is about to bear like 12 more children who are hotter than everyone else's children and you'll have descendent upon descendent walking this earth forever. Oh and *poof* your boils are gone. Peace out, suckaz!"
Job goes on to live a life much more prosperous than before he was subject to the cruel ass bet between God and the Devil.
The end.
*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*
Okay first, obviously there was no dinner :P I've abridged and altered the story to make it a bit less dry than the bible version, haha. Before I continue, let me get all the fucked up shit about this out of the way:
-Yes, Job was needlessly subject to a number of cruelties simply because God was an arrogant bitch who was trying to prove that people loved him.
-Yes, for some reason the Devil can just come out of hell and talk to God, the guy who kicked him out of heaven to begin with. And yes, God gets goaded into letting the Devil fuck with one of his flock.
-Yes, Job gets everything and more back at the end of the story. The ending is a bit disappointing because they're like "Hey you must have sinned, that's why bad things happen," and then God says, "Not how it works" and then he says, "Hey you were pious, have your shit back" furthering the notion of "if you're pious good things will happen," which by virtue of parallel structure perpetuates "if you sin bad things happen" which they were trying to undo to begin with.
If you can move past these glaring inconsistencies and focus instead on the larger point, you can probably see why I like it so much. It's basically just saying, "Shit happens, just be cool." "You gonna freak out, or eat orange? Pick one!" Though God is pretty much a total dick in the Book of Job, if you take him for the ineffible, undefinable, totally-in-and-of-everything perspective on him, this book tells you, "When things go wrong, don't shake your fist at the sky. Stay faithful and focused, and you will be rewarded." Here the reward manifests itself as a new house and hot kids and lots of money, but I take it as metaphorical - the real rewards, from my perspective, are entirely spirtual. The strength that comes from not blaming anyone for your misfortune is in and of itself a valuable asset, and that notion that we should not seek a reason is totally inspired.
"Not seeking" is pretty big in Buddhism, too. It's ironic, then, that so many people turn to religion to ask "Why?" when I feel so often the religion tells them not to ask at all.
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